nemo me impune lacessit

dear friend,

sorry if i never visited you at your apartment.

sorry if i send you text messages that does not even concern your welfare.

sorry if i break promises, i tried to make it up but you never show up.

sorry if i was missing for years or centuries.

sorry if i was not around when the clique gathers and gets drunk.

sorry if i did not know where to place you in my crammed up priority list.

sorry if i did not show up to when i had all the reasons and time to show up.

sorry if i was not there. sorry if i was not everywhere in your world.

sorry if i hurt you.

im sorry.

but of all the people in this psychedelic tone called Earth, i thought you were the one who will understand. yeah i know what i did was not ok..if i were in your position,i’d feel much worse. i had my shortcomings and i know that that’s why im sorry. i only have excuses when it comes to you because, somehow, i wasn’t sure where you are in my everything-in-a-small-box life.i know i had to make space with friendship and that’s where i’m wrong.

i chose love over friends that’s why i left home.i chose to go the other side of the pole to be with the one i love rather than to stay home and get foolish with friends. maybe that’s why right now,all the friends i had,i’ve met and i will have will just come and go. like they’ll just be a passing feature in my own documentary film. i’ll feel them but then it won’t last.

and im melancholic about it. maybe i was wrong. or maybe i just can’t have everything. everything feels like sand,they fall out of my hands just like that.

im happy and contented with my lovelife. but i need friends too.i hope you understand.that’s the only thing i needed.

after that, i’ll be your best friend forever.

after that, i’ll give you the best jokes in the world when your sad.

after that, i’ll tell you everything about me and my secrets.

i may not treat you to splendid vacation or feed you with the most expensive meal or be with you when you need me but make me feel that you are there for me and i will make sure that come hell or high waters,i’ll also be around.nothing has changed really..it’s just that i suddenly lost it and you just need to understand.

im now typing this blog at a cafe nearby our residene and beside me is of course, none other than, mr.jeh oblanca…*he’s currently watching cunt eater’s video at youtube and laughing his heart out at corei..rizaldy samonte..pra ka talagang tanga kumaskas nan gitara.heheh.joudan ne!^^,*

well,this is our third day of our stay here in davao.so far i’ve already toured him to our place, my hang outs, restos, relatives, the schools were i shit out, on friday we’re gonna go island hopping with friends..i’m so happy for my wish already came true..i already had all my loved ones be in one place..there’s no need to ask for anything more..my family adores him even his demons were invited to come in our house..it’s a day less for a week but it still gave me that short moment of having everything that i need and i want all in one place…im happy..

i’d better start thinking of wedding plans..heheh//

I’ve got a woman as big as a house yes sir
She’s as big as a two family house with a porch and a fence
You won’t believe what you see when you look at her
She’s enormous collosal tremendous gigantic immense

Why try to deny it
She’s just what I like
If she goes on a diet
I’ll go on strike

The bigger the figure the better I like her
The better I like her the better I feed her
The better I feed her the bigger the figure
The bigger the figure the more I can love

She’s exactly like a watermellon
big and round and sweet
In a party dress
She may be quite a mess
But I love her a lot
So what if she’s not so neat

The bigger the figure the better I like her
The better I like her the better I feed her
The better I feed her the bigger the figure
The bigger the figure the more I can love

If she ever eats me out of money
and we need the rent
That’ll be a cinch
Cuz when we’re in a pinch
I can put her to work under a circus tent

The bigger the figure the better I like her
The better I like her the better I feed her
The better I feed her the bigger the figure
The bigger the figure the more I can love

She’s exactly like a watermellon
big and round and sweet
In a party dress
She may be quite a mess
But I love her a lot
So what if she’s not so neat

The bigger the figure

The better I like her

The better I like her

The better I feed her

The better I feed her the bigger the figure
The bigger the figure the more I can love

The bigger the figure the better I like her
The better I like her the better I feed her
The better I feed her the bigger the figure
The bigger the figure the more I can love

i wish she said something and not just leave me staring at the outer space wondering in the depths of my cerebellum what happened why she just suddenly went silent..hello?hello? no response..

i wish he said what he had hated me for and not just leave me sighing and blowing my bangs up in the air thinking what it was that i do this time that made it my pure fault…hello?hello? no response..

where have all my friends gone??

i wish they knew i am again left behind..

i wish i know how to move forward like them..

because i am always stuck..always always always stuck in the middle with endless questions..unfathomable options..but with no luck with the right choice.

it’s like a piece of shattered glass of an old picture frame

where our faces lie silent and still with its memory

only the ancient dreamers know..

and as i stare at it,i had this troubling fear..

this won’t happen again..

i won’t be giving my heart out to a friend…

i won’t ever gonna put all my trust and my thoughts

on somebody who disappears like a puff of smoke

like a dream..a very beautiful dream..i woke up..

that smile frozen on that piece of vulnerability

that smile escaped in reality

of you could only ponder..

i am..yes i am ..anxious?

anxiety disorder?

crazy?

pathetic?

this blog is a blah..

her her her her her her her her..

quit..

i sou don’t want to give my heart out to gurls…

i sou don’t want to give my thoughts out to cat lovers..

now playing:

ave mary a by pink

post script:

don’t you ever come running out to me and tell me all the things that trouble you..trust me,i won’t help you.you you you you..

i was having a goodtime playing Larry, Love for Sail on my phone when the game was interrupted by a message alert. i sighed and with a heavy heart checked the concerned citizen who bothered to text me in the midst of my entertainment. and guess what, it was a forwarded message about edward cullen and him being a boyfriend and such. that was, i think, the 7th message i receive containing edward cullens,vampires,volvos, and whatnots…and im sou uber tired of it!SO FREAKING TIRED OF IT!!!!!

i can’t deny that the sequel was nice.i even managed to have the draft of midnight sun saved on my phone. if i was a teenager and single and desperate and wants to escape the painful and ugly reality, i would resort to reading the twilight thingy , a rather but healthy way of avoiding suicide. HOWEVER, im not a teenager anymore, and EVEN IF i were a teenager trying very hard to cope the day to day life of being ugly and sad and awful as a part of my existence, i would read the book but i won’t go gaga with Edward Cullen even with his volvo.

i do not envy Bella Swan. why should i envy a clumsy gurl? i am clumsy myself and i am a big accident prone person and i do not see what part of that is being envied upon? AH! i almost forgot..girls envy Bella because she’s got a vampire for a boyfriend and a shiny volvo as a complete package. i mean, WHO THE HELL WANTS A VAMPIRE FOR A BOYFRIEND???!! EVEN IF HE’S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND MOST DAZZLING AND MOST WHATEVER-POSITIVE-YOU-CAN-DESCRIBE-TO-A-PERSON, i won’t get my sacrificial neck be offered nuh?! okay, so probably im just being negative, but really, i could tell Edward as a perfect counterpart to Barbie. Both are perfect but they are non existing. it would really just hurt a lot if you wish things you knew would never happen. im not being negative or whatever..please don’t take this as an insult or anything..im just expressing my opinion.if you’re thinking i’m just saying this because i am the one who envy Bella a lot or i also drool over Edward in secret, then i could slap you my clitoris and raise my middle finger on you.I GOT MYSELF A BOYFRIEND NUH..HE’S NOT THAT CUTE UNLIKE EDWARD BUT HE BAKES ME PANCAKES AND WAKES UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WHEN I WANT SOMEONE TO COME WITH ME TO THE BATHROOM BECAUSE IT’S TOO DARK AND SCARY AND LET’S ME STEP ON HIS TOES WHEN WE DANCE TO THE TUNE OF WESTLIFE’S SWEAR IT ALL OVER AGAIN AND CAN CARRY ELMO’S VOICE TOO WELL SO THAT IF I WANT TO TALK LIKE BERT, HE’D GO SESAME STREETING AND THE ONE WHO WOULD IN EXISTENCE AND IN REAL LIFE AND WAS THE FIRST PERSON (NOT EDWARD CULLEN!!I WAS SURPRISED IT WAS ALSO IN THE BOOK WHEN I READ IT)I HEARD THE LINES “HURRY BACK TO ME.”

and then i would hurry back to him and he would embrace me till the night fades and morning comes..he doesn’t glitter but he dazzles me…n_n

and so i left 2008 with lessons i couldn’t hardly believe would be possible for me to learn and very impossible for me to apply.

1.) past is really past. no matter how i grieve for friends and families lost, they won’t come back.ever. this 2009, the people who belonged in my past will just be a moment of nostalgia over 2 sandwiches of peanut butter.

2.) go thin crust. i realize that aside from pompous shopping of sorts,i also spent a great percentage of money with food. it was fun when you shop and taste things in 2008. so this 2009, i’ll have to cut the extravagant life and save and get thin. seriously!

3.) since i already accomplished having a planner after 16 frappes from starbucks,it’s time for me to use it. i better have a decent plan this 2009.

4.) at the end of 2008, i started collecting stuffs with a picture, mark, stamp, memory, smell of a cat in it.might as well continue it this year.

5.) critical thinking. i studied and bleed hard for it when i was in elementary, why not use it this year?!

so there you go..my new year gotta do list.

hope it never fails…

december and its cold

and i was thinking of making our first baby rocker there..hahah!

it would be nice and crazy and crappy..*thinking of my PMS*

hahahha!!

i wanna have a baby with him..i really wanna have a baby with him..right now/.

and i want my parents to be here to know it..haaay!!!

and so to enjoy the inevitable spirit of noel, my team decided to do the traditional manito-manita exchange gift bonanza. i was a bit anxious about the person my fate would choose for me to spend my 500php..what if i don’t like him/her? of course,i’d bitterly and forcibly give him/her what he/she wants for the spirit of christmas but good thing!it was my kuya poh that was picked for me to give a gift too..i was more than happy to go high waters to give him what he wants but alas, even MOA or TRINOMA could not even decipher what the TAPOUT shirt is all about..i was really hopeless..hopeless to the point that i have to ask my friends, the internet, and get my boyfriend into the game of tapout. wiw!but to no avail, nobody could show me where to get it. i was really feeling down that i gave up and blurted out the white flag in kuya poh’s outlook mail..haikz!

but destiny seemed to be on my side..kuya poh decided to have e-games card instead..and i gave him that..more than what he was asking!im soo happy..although a part of me was a bit sad that i did not gave him the first thing that he wants for christmas..

im really obsessed of making people happy this christmas..i wish i could make myself that happy too..if i could only spend with christmas with my family and my boyfriend all in one place!

no air tickets..no phone calls..just a hearty meal with the people living in my heart…