nemo me impune lacessit

it seems a bit vague how to describe a tale about 2 years of close bonds which ended in a snap..maybe dearest was right,i cut it off without hearing her side..she had a lot of explanations to tell..i never heard of them..the same way she never really intended of telling them..i don’t know if she got affected by it..knowing her before,i knew that she would be-she’s just a damn good actress..but knowing her now..seeing her change..i doubt it..i would only come up as an insignificant part of her..maybe that’s what she’s always thinking..i dunno..i never could imagine how power could set a wall between us..and i was sad about it..i could not imagine her talking ill about someone and how idiotic that person could be..i could not imagine her not letting her friends know about her plans as if she they don’t mean a single thing as long as she gets what she wants..i could not imagine her walking all around pretending not see me or even tap my back when she knew that i knew that she’s just right there at my back..i couldn’t imagine her being like that..knowing my meow before,she was never that snobbish..maybe power had consumed her..or maybe it was really in her character but she just couldn’t do it at that time..sometimes i come to think that it was a big mistake on choosing not to live with her and the gang under the same roof..because if i was there,i could’ve understood..i would’ve defended her when an officemate would backbite her because i could say that i know her more than they do..i should still have that friendship we started with rurouni kenshin..but now,i couldn’t picture her out anymore..the spirited petite girl with the strong will and the patient heart with a flirty attitude is gone..only her yellow ranger inflatable remained..in as much as i wanted to oppose all of what i heard from other people about her,i could not utter a word..i would say, “that’s strange!she’s not like that..” but what would i answer back when they would ask me, “how would you know? when was the last time you spent the whole day with her? you were friends in college but people can change overnight!”..yeah right!a friend should know what’s happening with her friend..but i know nothing..i guess she would also call me idiot behind my back..who knows??she already told me that everything was wrong with me in the face..maybe undoubtedly,if she did change,she’ll stab in the back..and i’ll wrap the yellow inflatable around my wound.

i am presently addicted to a new jrock spice..black metal-gallhammer composed of hellhammer,amebix and uhh–forgot the name of the other gurl..

what  i sou uber love about them is the way they play the music and being gothically cute at the same time!!

my boyfriend said its punk and no,definitely,its metal!!

he’s losing his touch i guess..

wish i coud color my hair but hairstylists more often than not,always talk me off of it..:sighs:

i’ve come to the realization, or more likely, to the acceptance that im insane. because im frustrated to become average and be one with the people who likes things that are famous and known. because im jealous of people who got  a lot of friends because they react the “normal” way when they are being approached and not get paranoid and scream and run away. because they could easily remember where i last left my mug and they could easily play tricks on me like hiding my stuff because they know i won’t still find it though it’s right there infront of me. because i love to eat thought im depressed with my size. because i write this blog pointlessly. because im frustrated with not being able to get what i wanted to download in limewire. because i screamed my heart out in the middle of the office floor which made everyone’s eyes look at me because somebody was reading the blog that i was typing behind me. because i crossed the street mindlessly to rescue a madwoman who was being hit by a stick by a man with a neon green vest and the word SECURITY scrawled at the back. because i cried out of anger to that man who hit the poor lady with the stick. because i cried out of pity to the old woman. because i can’t do anything when my boyfriend pulled me back when the man *who i believe is more psychologically incapacitated* started to threaten me to mind my own business. because i suddenly thought of bragging about my job over that man to inform him that he can’t scare me and that i could kick him out of his job if i wanted to if he still won’t stop hitting the woman. because i could understand what the woman felt.

the man wants her to go away. the woman wanted to stay. she was free to stay there at the pavement with the flowerbeds. she was having fun i know. but the man interrupted. he was definitely insane of doing that. and i hate him.

hope it gives you hell by the all american rejects
i just got off from work. i really had a bad day *or shall i say night?* from work. first, for some unknown forces of gravity, i woke up at the wrong side of the bed with a big fuch you smile on my pretty face. second, i did not mean to but i was trying to put off every caller i got though it’s not even queuing with calls. and third, i had a fraudster call and with my right ear going deaf and my brain on a reboot mode since the shift is ending,i, the fantastic, ms.boombastic,shopaholic in gothic pink, freakazoid of the universe in the nth power of subliminal picaresque, provided my employee id which of course could lead for the blessed heart fraudster to use my name in vain and get all the information he/she wants from our callers. sad to say, but i am anticipating the worst– termination… yes my friends, i, bless my martyrdom and masochistic views of life, will suffer again the consequences of my stupid actions.

so here i am now in the cafe, writing this blog and letting all of you people who would read this *i would greatly appreciate it!* that i am, but once again, suffering from myself.

now, i just couldn’t put all the blame on me. i still have 55% of me who loves ME! so let me also put some dash of blame on those people who made me suffer GREATLY!

1.) the latest suffering of course, the fraudster..who took advantage of my poor brain rebooting to end the day with a fuching smile on my pretty face. the fraudster who will be using my name in vain and commiting blasphemy for money. the filth who will make me suffer *and im just waiting for that asteroid to fall down my head* in my job.
2.) the lady on my left who just left a few minutes ago who was singing nonstop to her american chatmate and saying sweet nothings like nobody could here her accent! i have nothing against accents in respect with the degree i had finished but since my day is in a dire situation of falling into micro pieces of fesces, might as well get someone to dig in my hatred.poor lady..i just love my self for about 55% that’s why.
3.) the friends *take note that at this point im just frustrated,no harm done* who finds entertainment in calling me fat.i know fuching well what my size is and i really don’t give a poop!why are you so affected with the way i eat or wear my bra or carry myself?!i tell you, i don’t give a poop so don’t, for heaven’s sake, waste your breath!
4.) the internet browser who could not get my friendster profile right! i was trying hard to make it cute and ironic!
5.) neyo’s video of mad.they said it was a tearjerker.i watched the video because i want to jerk off my tears and cry. but what the hell happened? i was left staring blankly at the screen analyzing the theme of the video which was so very original thanks to the movie GHOSTS. it was never a tearjerker. it was never sad. it just made me wonder where the hell was the tearjerker part there? i’d rather listen to an emo song and engulf my sorry pathetic excuse of existence in pure and pristine misery.

and i think i’d have that.

i was bored and trapped in a room.i got my wlan-abled phone,internet hyped pc, and a lonely demise which, after all available technologies mentioned to be able to connect to the world, is futile.

so i sighed,stood up,and went scavenging for some anime dvd’s i could spend a lifetime for a worthy marathon and eureka!!!i found naruto shipuuden lying around the dog-eared box.it was the episode i haven’t finished watching.

i turned on the computer and inserted the disc and ero-senin started talking.i stopped for a bit.

wherever someone is thinking of you,that is where you are returning to.

i remembered my past days again in my hometown.

me with a carefree life,depending on the ample allowance my parents give me,running to my bestfriend’s house claiming that since she’s the one who invited me over,she had to treat me.hahah!home.

me with the loud voice echoing on the school’s fire exit about academic complains and broken hearts while my yuri would listen and weigh things over.

me.lying on the wooden floor,with the books as my pillow,staring endlessly at the ceiling,daydreaming about my perfect guy/

me with the infamous clique who gathers around a rickety table sharing a plateful of lucky me pancit canton and its long time partner,anchovies!!

that was home.that was then.

years later,i never thought my yuri would tell me that everything is wrong with me.but staring into her eyes.i see no conviction.i didn’t even feel the weight of her words.probably there’s something wrong with her too.or maybe,too much stupidity made me too nonchalant to comprehend.

home is where someone is thinking of you.my bestfriend.

my family.

my friends.

i dunno if the world changed.

if the people around me had changed.

or if i was the one who changed.

i just wish someone out there would never stop of thinking of me.

so that i can come home and make everything right again.

since my boyfriend *ehem!’scuse my french,it’s fiance*already hooked his computer with internet,and since i’m suffering from insomnia, i am now blogging  this entry to officially announce that im still awake!!

hahah!!

just had my eyes swolen from crying over a koreanovela..boys before flowers..it brings back the memories when i still had a bestfriend i could spill my heart out about cute boys back in our heydays.i if this koreanovela was released during the time when her room was my room,it could have been what i could consider one of the highlights of our days..unfortunately,meteor garden came in first..i can’t believe i got hooked to that one..hahah!!

i still love vic zhou xiao tien.

ja!

so we were having our joy ride looking for a single hint of mercy on a maundy thursday afternoon. our fingers were crossed and praying that a mall or a fancy restaurant here in Laguna could be open so that we could have a formal date since we were celebrating our 3rd anniversary. but alas, nobody opened their holy doors for us.so we decided to spent the day walking under the sun,surveying what seemed to be a haunted place if there would be at least, a non-catholic establishment open to shelter us and let us end the day if not with a bang but with a poof. and probably God heard our prayers because way beyond the horizon,we saw Chowking screaming that he’s open and available to tend to our needs for a date. so in we went to that kind fast food chain. in my head i was thinking that it was better than nothing. we had the first two plans (1st plan was to go to Tagaytay and do some zip lines but heck it’s maundy thursday,God was being punished so it really did not sound right. the 2nd plan was to watch Dragon Ball at SM then go to Max’s for dinner but as explained previously, both were unavailable) ruined so why ruin the third and last plan?

so there we celebrated our 3rd anniversary. we were having our nice lunch together when an idea popped into my malfunctional head. i was thinking of keeping the a pair of spoon and fork as a remembrance of our unfortunate fate.i told him about that plan and he was a bit astounded by that.his expression was screaming, “there you go again!can you just not do it here?!!!”. and i was just brouhahaha-ing about the plan with the conviction that i want the spoon and fork with the letters C-H-0-W-K-I-N-G engraved on it for keeps.it would be something we would remember since our 3rd anniversay fell on a holy week.so i was thinking about my plan of how to hide the pair and my mind was way to far to reach by consciousness because of the plan i was pulling out.since he had the bigger pockets, i decided to push the spoon and forked wrapped in the tissue paper towards him (my mind is still on its silent reverie and my eyes were looking out for waiters who might be looking on our direction)/ i told him to take the innocent utensils as quickly as possible and put it in his pockets while no one is looking. i was telling him to do it but the utensils just hung in the air.he was not taking it.i came out of my reverie and was already irritated by him not getting my point of why i want to keep the futile objects and when i came to face him,i saw him blushing and looking down at the table. i looked down at the table and i saw the object of the blush.

the small velvet box. i laughed with tears in my eyes. i was really caught by surprise..i was thinking of a plan to steal the poor spoon and fork and he had a different thing in mind. i was scared to take the box and open it.i was so anxious of what will happen.it’s like your in the edge of a board and you don’t know if you’ll take the spin or the sommersault for a nice execute before plunging into the pool. i found myself suddenly staring at the box, while holding the utensils tightly in my hands as my life support. he was also laughing and blushing..the usual thing he does when he wants to say something but can’t say it. but i already know what’s in his mind. the velvet box already screamed the words for him. i asked him dumbfoundedly, “uhh..so what am i gonna do with that?”

“take it,” he said.

“is it real??like the real thing i can take to the pawnshop?”

“just take it.”

“—”

“if you won’t take it, i’ll leave you here.”

” wait!!i really don’t know what im gonna do with it..”

” open it and wear it.”

“shouldn’t you be the one who should wear it to me?”

” yeah i will.but you haven’t opened it.”

“ok!ok!i will..”

Gulped.

and the ring popped out.it was not made of gold.it was never fancied with diamonds.but it was the prettiest thing i saw.the most precious thing i’ll keep for the rest of my rocking life.i’ll even show it to my children and even grand children. i would even have it as an heirloom.

i am now officially engaged.i’m gonna be married in 2011.

decipher the meaning
remember the feeling
the bus on the highway
the cat being astray
i wait on the warm shed
the comfort like warm bed
we planned for a road trip
but you did the great skip

my eyes turned to water
my heart felt its over
got no friends on this trip
coz they did the great skip

and so i came strolling
alone but not moping
forgetting the feeling
regretting its meaning
i’m not gonna come back
there’s no one to retrack
my friends on the road trip
and i’ll do the great skip

if this sounded bitter
then im still not over
but as soon as i blog this
i’ll have enough practice
i’ll have my own road trip
full tanked with no side kick

Minsan sah may school ground
Tayo’y ngkabanggaan
Di mo yata namalayan na andun na aku sa likod mu
Taas noo kang tinignan
Sa taas mong 5′9″.
Narinig ko sabe mo kinakabahan ka..
Tinatapik tapik ka nan asawa mong kabanda
Pnapakalma kalooban mong prang sira..
Hello?! Blemon! Anliit lan nan crowd.
Kumpara dun sah mga napuntahan nyo nang concert.
Nais ko sanang mkitapik nadin..
Sasabihing magiging okay ang lahat
Dahil pangulo ako sah groupie mo sah school
Pro nhihiya ako,ngdalawang isip
Mugto kxe mata ko nun..
Kxama ku pa naman kaibigan kong maliit
Mugot din ang mata..
Kakaiyak tungkol sah pagibig.
Kea d nah kita tinapik.
Nkikisang-ayon nalan aku sah mga salita
Nan asawa mong meh mgandang diwa
At nung oras na un,may narinig akong sita.
Ayun si manong guard nakita na kame
D mkapagisip nang maauz,
Wlan maisip nah pirmahan,
Nilabas ko ang pnkapowerful kong cd
Alas!cd un nan saydie..
Pero d mo na napansin..
Kabado ka kxe.
Kayo at ung mga kabanda mo..
Saydie ang pinirmahan nyo..
Hindi nga lan keo kumpleto
Wla nun si mong
Pro ok lang
Pinirmahan mo naman ang tshirt ko.
At mula nun,d ku na nlabhan un..

Minsan pgkatapos nung concert nyo,ngkayayaan ang barkada
Ako bilang power ranger pink
,c power ranger yellow nah mahal ko,
C power ranger black nah kras ko,
Si power ranger blue nah special xaken,
At si maricore
Nkalimutan ku na papel nya sah grupo
Pero hindi xa c power ranger red.
Speaking of power ranger red,dun talaga kme patungo
Homebase nan thesis,lalake,milk party,porn
Nang chismis,forums,kainan,at unan.
Doon sah base na un,binuo ang plano
Ang pangako.. Walang iwanan sating mgkakaibigan..

Minsan napapaisip ako kung anu nga ba nangyari
Bigla nlang nwala ang pangako sah kwartong un..
Lhat tayo’y naging abala..
Lahat tayo’y nag-iba.
At sa munti kong mundo,
Akala ko isang pagsubok lang to,
Pero hindi na pala..
Nauna na keong lumaki,
Wla man lan keong sinabi.
Naun alam ko na..
Minsan lang mangyari un..
At masaya naman ako dun.
Nkakapanghinayang isiping
Nawala na ang dating saya
Ang barkada pix naten kupas na
Pero kailangang tanggapin..
Kailangang umusad nadin.

Pro minsan matigas pa rin ang ulo

npapaisip pa rin ako sa inyo

pilit ko man burahin sa diwa ko

para ngang nkakagago,ako na naghahabol nang atensyon nyo

meh mali nga akong ngawa

siguro un nga ang dahilan

pro talaga super ayoko na

mhirap mwalan nan kaibigang mkakasama

kea eto ako,hanap ulet nan bago

khit mhirap palitan kng anung medun dati ako.

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end.  If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished. Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered,your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need . This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.